How Living Overseas Shaped Who I am as a Military Spouse

I was naive to what it meant to be a military family.

I grew up in the small town outside of West Point, NY, but my family didn’t have any current connections to the military world. I saw Cadets walking through town, knew Army football was a big deal, and knew I’d eventually go to high school with the kids who lived on West Point, but that’s where my knowledge of the military ended.

Until I started dating my now-husband in 2008.

We met at our small high school and I quickly learned he’d be applying to West Point for college. I never thought that meant I’d be along for the ride, but nearly 15 years later, 4 kids, and 5 moves including one big unexpected one overseas, here we are.

How We Ended Up Overseas

It was a random day in January 2015 when my phone rang and it was my husband calling from Basic Officer Leadership Course (BOLC) in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. We had both graduated college the May prior and were engaged the same week after 6 years of dating.

As many military couples do, we had a quick courthouse wedding on August 22, 2014 — he was TDY in Missouri while I was living back home in New York with my family and saving money. We were scheduled to move to Fort Campbell, Kentucky later that month, but that phone call on that random January day changed everything.

I answered the phone, “Hey babe!”, excited to hear from him at an unexpected time. “Hey, what are you up to?” he said back. This phone call was out of the ordinary, but the conversation went on. 

“How would you like to go to Italy?”, he said. Coming from a family that’s fully Italian, of course I wanted to go to Italy. But when? How? He was in the middle of a course he couldn’t take time off from and then we were moving as soon as it ended. 

Then he said it. “Not to visit, to move there.”

The start of my Army wife experience was crazy from the jump. We were nearly 10 days out from our move to Fort Campbell when everything changed and we were scrambling to move to Italy instead. I flew to Missouri to watch him graduate BOLC in late January and then he was on a plane overseas to Italy. I, however, was on a plane back to New York. 

I cried so many tears during those weeks. Not only did I not want to move to another country, but I was so excited to move in with my husband in just a few weeks, and now that wasn’t happening because the process of moving dependents overseas takes months. Back home to my mom’s house I went to wait on endless paperwork and passports and visas.

Many months and many hiccups later — including many failed Ranger School cycles and a rescheduled wedding day (those are stories for another day) — we both were living in Italy together by October 2015. 

But the chaos didn’t end there. 

Our entire first year in Italy was a lot of back and forth flights between there and the USA. I visited Italy as long as I could. He went to Ranger School. I finally moved over with him after he graduated. We flew back to New York for our rescheduled wedding day and went back to Italy again. Then his mom passed away and we made another trip to the States. But by January 2016, we were home sweet Italian home for good.

Living Overseas Shaped Who I am as a Military Spouse

Many people think that military families living overseas are experiencing an endless vacation. And while there is some truth to that, we’re also living our normal lives, too. And while living this new and unexpected life, I learned many valuable lessons.

1. You have to make your own family.

Flying back and forth between Europe and America was expensive. We didn’t have the option to spend holidays, weekends, or big life moments with our families — so we made our own. 

The people in Chris’ unit became our family. Our Family Readiness Group (FRG) was amazing and the people in his office were our best friends. We spent Thanksgiving days together, went on trips over long weekends, celebrated babies with one another, and ate many meals together.

2. You will be challenged, but you can do hard things.

The training cycle over there was busy and spouses and families spent a lot of time without their Soldier. Because we had no kids at the time, I was alone in a new country often. Luckily, with that built-in family and absolutely wonderful Italian neighbors, I was never truly alone. But I had to face many unique challenges of living overseas by myself.

3. It’s okay to spend time away from your spouse.

While I never looked forward to Chris leaving, I always made sure there was something fun to do while he was gone. Some of my best memories were made taking girls-only weekend trips with other wives while our husbands were gone, checking out a new winery every Friday, or rotating through each other’s homes for a home-cooked meal we could enjoy with company throughout the week. I came to enjoy the intentional time away from Chris and with my girlfriends, instead.

4. This move will make future moves seem easy.

So much goes into moving overseas. There’s special paperwork, hurdles to jump through for pets, months of living without your things on either side of the move, language barriers, learning to drive in a new country, navigating finding a home (and a job if you’re lucky), and so much more. 

As my first move as an army wife, moving to Italy was stressful. But, wow, has all of our other moves since then seemed easy, even with kids in tow!

We moved back to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri in March 2018 after 3 years of Italian living with our twin baby girls safely growing in my belly. Today, nearly 9 years later, we miss Italy every single day. We’d go back in a heartbeat if the Army ever gave us another chance. 

Our time overseas was everything you might imagine it’d be. We experienced beautiful adventures. We made lifelong friendships. We grew as newlyweds who were far from everything and everyone we knew and loved. 

But we also struggled. We were lonely. We were sad. We were fighting battles.

Our friends we made in Italy were our family. We spent holidays with them, celebrated big life moments with them, and shared struggles with them. 

We fought through a language barrier to make wonderful friends with our elderly Italian neighbors. They looked after us, celebrated with us, and took the time to teach us.

Moving to Italy at 23, newly married, and never having left the country before was difficult. But what I would give to have that experience again. Our time overseas shaped us into the couple and family we are today and we wouldn’t change it for the world. 

If you ever have the opportunity, don’t let it pass you by.