How to Survive a Dreaded Duty Station

1, 555 miles. This was the agonizing distance my family needed to drive to our new duty station. We were headed to one of the least desired installations of the Armed Forces, notoriously known as Camp Misery. It felt like an eternity driving through the brown, barren, Dante’s Inferno. I peered out the window and tumbleweed blowing in cyclone- shape on the side road and shook my head in disbelief. How on Earth was I going to survive this dreaded duty station?

1. Consider residing on installation

Typically, my husband and I love off-base neighborhoods surrounded by diverse restaurants, cozy cafes, and beautiful parks. However, these type of neighborhood attractions were nonexistent at Camp Misery. This time, we decided to live on base and it was absolutely the best decision!

I had to reframe my thought process. One can think of base living as residing in an exclusive gated community with luxurious amenities at your fingertips. Okay, that may be a stretch but you technically are living in a secured, protected community that is patrolled frequently. At Camp Misery, my husband was often away and the safety of residing on base brought me peace of mind.

Have you ever heard of military spouse Murphy’s Law? Basically, as soon as your spouse departs for a trip, a plethora of items will simultaneously break.  For instance, the morning after my husband left to deploy, the magic of Murphy’s Law arrived at my front door.  The washing machine angrily decided to flood our laundry area, my still relatively new car would not start, and my Wi-Fi would not work. In a residency off-base, this situation would cause a vein in my forehead to protrude and my mind to race.  However, this time it was different due to living on base. An established protocol for service repairs existed and there was a maintenance team.  After I placed the call, the team arrived a few hours later and my neighbors jumped my car battery while they worked.

My neighbors became a part of my village. In fact, I have noticed that most on-base residents are very welcoming. There are always children playing outside, families sitting with one another outside, and neighborhood togethers. I never felt alone and knew that I had a support system within an arm’s reach. Lastly, the amenities and facilities can definitely keep you busy. You will often find swimming pools, bowling alleys, fitness centers, and shaded playgrounds all within close proximity. At Camp Misery I rarely needed to leave the installation unless I wanted to explore which was an enormous benefit.

2. Immediately make the home YOUR sanctuary

We arrived at Camp Misery in late August. As we entered the fiery pits of hell to our new neighborhood, I noticed that there were no signs of life. The base looked abandoned like in a post-apocalyptic horror movie. I quickly learned it was because summer temperatures averaged around 110 degrees during the day. You had to live a vampire lifestyle to not melt away. I vowed to make my home a place a retreat.

I rapidly unpacked our belongings while my husband was still around to help. I attempted to declutter by donating items that I no longer used nor loved. The reduction in clutter decreased my stress from visual stimulation. I wanted to incorporate my love for cafes throughout the home. I set up a coffee bar station in a corner of our galley kitchen. I framed photos of family, friends, and places that I loved and hung them on the walls. Lastly, I made sure each room had a candle, lush blanket, and basket bursting with books.

I am by no means an interior designer but military spouses are some of the most creative individuals I have known. There are tons of virtual military spouse decorating groups on Facebook that demonstrate inexpensive ways to make your temporary house feel more like home. For example, one of my girlfriends learned to add peel and stick tiles to her kitchen backsplash and removable wallpaper to her cabinets. It was a beautiful kitchen makeover that cost her less than thirty dollars. Remember, this is a season of life and not your permanent forever home. Make your home your comfortable retreat.

3. Explore a new hobby

At Camp Misery, I wanted to focus on my resiliency during the assignment. I did not want to fall into a downward spiral and absolutely loathe my existence there.  I knew that I needed to adopt hobbies to keep me busy. In particular, hobbies to enhance my health and keep a routine.

Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far, away- I was a cheerleader. I ate, breathed, and dreamt of cheerleading. One evening at the gym, I walked by a Zumba class and noticed the enormous smiles on the participants’ faces. I approached the front desk and mustered up the courage to attend the next class.  It was so much fun and I became dedicated! I loved having a schedule, new choreography, and new classmates.

Also, I began walking outside as a hobby. I figured it was a hobby that I could easily do with my family. My husband and I would get the kids ready in the stroller and go for a morning stroll with our coffee. I loved the time that we spent bonding together.  Eventually, we started jogging and it led us to train for a 5k, 10k, and then half marathon races.

Due to deployments, I often was left to solo parent three small children. At times felt as though I did not have a lot of time or energy to dedicate to a hobby nor meet people. My neighbor convinced me to join a virtual book club.  I would read while the children napped and at night to unwind before bed. It was a tremendous mental escape for me. The best part was that I was able to participate in the comfort of my own home and engage in a social interaction.

4. Join a spouses’ group

If you want to fast-track friendships, this is the way to go! A spouses’ group social event is literally like friendship speed dating. Think about it, you are in an environment where there are numerous individuals who are eager to make friends and have fun. I know, it can be intimidating as the “new spouse,” but you WILL be welcomed with open arms.

A spouses’ group organization is also a superb way to network and get plugged into the community. I have received career guidance, scheduled playdates for my children, and met several very close friends via joining a spouse’s group. We have been each other’s battle buddies, babysitters, and shoulders to cry on during difficult times.

To this day, I keep in contact with my best friends and we are stationed all over the world. I would have never met these incredible individuals if I did not initially attend a spouses’ group event. I highly encourage you to reach out and attend a few events. Your new friends are out there waiting for you! You can find out information about your installation’s spouses’ group from google searches and installation social media pages.

In hindsight, Camp Misery is really not all that miserable. Surprisingly, there are even some quirks about it that I have grown to love and will miss.  I truly believe that having a game plan to get settled has helped make our time here more meaningful. I hope these tips will help you navigate and embrace your dreaded duty station.