Speed Dating for Spouses: Finding Your Emergency Contact

You PCS and suddenly you’re speed dating for survival, and not in a cute- cocktails-with-name-tags kind of way. More of a desperate, slightly unhinged, at your first squadron event kind of way.

You’re dealing with kid #3, who is in his own feral bubble when you bump into another mother mid-chaos, her toddler screaming in that one-arm, hip-locked, tactical side hold that every mom instinctively recognizes as she has done all the things and she’s over it. And something in your brain goes: yep…she’s the one.

No swiping, just mutual exhaustion, eye contact, and the same need to survive and thrive.

Emergency Contact Roulette

It’s routine. We arrive at a new base with new patient paperwork, school enrollment forms, and that dreaded deployment packet. Each one requires the same thing: an emergency contact.

Suddenly, we’re cycling through every remote possibility, our own spouse who isn’t exactly available at a moment’s notice, the mother at the library with her five kids, or the woman we just met at the commissary stocking cereal.

Ultimately, we end in the same absurd place: mild identity fraud feels…reasonable.

It’s such a chaotic idea, but incredibly common; formulating friendships in such a swift, inorganic, yet completely organic way. Military spouses know it’s not ideal, but it’s necessary to thrive in a life that is, more often than not, totally out of our control.

And honestly, it’s such a rush when you do find that emergency-contact-worthy, soon-to-be-a-coffee-date friend because there’s something to be said about how quickly spouses connect.

The Truth About Military Friendships

This life is not for the faint of heart. That doesn’t need to be said, but at the same time, I think we all need that reminder. It’s the very reason we engage in socially awkward interactions at the commissary or in the school pick-up line because they inevitably turn into honest, authentic, trauma-bonded, and sealed relationships.

And most of the time, our guard is down, and we are thinking strategically.

Do our kids go to the same school?

When do you PCS?

What’s your last name?

More often than not, I become my seven-year-old daughter, and it takes me at least two meet-ups before I can even remember anyone’s first name. Last names are easier… for some strange reason.

Personally, I bask in the glow of a good meet-cute. I always come home eager to tell my husband that I made a new friend. It just makes me feel so damn proud of myself and reassures me that yes, I am that badass.

How We Show Up Anyway

And it’s not lost on me, I know how hard it can be for those who are not the golden retriever of social interactions. I, myself, unlike my social butterfly of a husband, sit somewhere between a sunbathing bulldog and a full-blown “let me host the squadron potluck” kind of cocker spaniel.

It all depends on the season of life I’m trying to survive, the time of day, and the deployment schedule. And I think that speaks to most spouses. We can’t all be the perfectly content, always-on, group-chat-running version of ourselves all the time.

This is where military spouses shine; we get it done anyway. It may look different for everyone, but we find our people, even if that’s simply someone we can count on to be there on the tough days.

Check that off the In-Processing checklist.

Meet Alexa

Alexa has been a WAF for nearly 14 years and has been with her middle school sweetheart since age 12. They married at 19 and dove headfirst into the world of AFSOC, moving overseas to Okinawa, Japan. Since then, life has been a whirlwind of deployments, PCS moves, and memories she wouldn’t trade for anything.

Now, as her husband transitions into the pilot community, she’s stepping into this next chapter alongside their three energetic kids and one very lovable golden retriever. When she’s not juggling military life and family chaos, Alexa works from home as a columnist for Authentically Alexa in Military Families Magazine. She loves good food, better conversation, meeting new people, and planning the next adventure, whether it’s a girls’ trip with her best friend or a family getaway.

She’s passionate about connecting with other military spouses and sharing the real-life moments that come with life in uniform.