Why I Choose to be a Stay-at-Home Mom

My job is often misunderstood. It is frequently overlooked and usually under appreciated.

I am a stay at home mom.

Not only am I a stay at home mom, but I’m an Air Force wife, who chooses to stay at home.

My husband and I have two daughters, an almost two year old and a six month old. After our first, Eleanor, was born, I continued working until I had our second daughter, Finnley. Right after Finn was born I made the decision to stay home full time. It was a bit of a slow transition. I went from full-time work before having kids, to part-time after having our first daughter, then down to on call work while pregnant with the second, and finally I left the hospital world altogether.

For us, the decision was based upon my husband’s job and the price of daycare. My husband works in the Office of Special Investigation (OSI). He works incredibly long and inconsistent hours. Apparently no one wants to commit federal level crimes during regular business hours, so it’s not uncommon for him to leave in the middle of the night or have to stay on base from around 6am-9pm. It’s an intense job and it became hard to balance his work needs with our family needs while I was working twelve hour shifts and weekends. It felt like we never saw each other or had more than a five minute conversations before falling asleep. That busy period in our lives of two jobs, one baby, and one very pregnant wife didn’t sit well with us. It didn’t take long before we knew we had to make a change.

The other part of the equation was price and availability of quality daycare. Being an Air Force couple, our first instinct was to check on base with the Child Development Center (CDC). I thought I was being so ahead of the game by signing up for childcare while I was seven months pregnant with our first. So, it was a definite shock to find out that we would still be waitlisted for at least a year, even though I was looking into it early. There were no openings, especially for babies. I’ve heard this is a common theme in many CDC’s, so if this is the route you want to take, I would check into it as soon as you know you’re pregnant.

Since waiting that long wasn’t an option for us, we started to look around the area for other daycares. However, as any Air Force mama knows, this is just another one of those things that’s hard to find when you aren’t familiar with the area. It’s like trying to find a great dentist, hair stylist or church – it takes some time. I found a few options that I liked, but the price tag was way out of our budget. The tricky part was finding a place that was compatible with hospital hours and shifts. I only worked three days a week, but on those days, I needed to drop off by 6:30am. Most daycares open around 7:30, at the earliest, and close before my shift ends. They also want to charge you for Monday-Friday, even if you only need childcare for three days a week; this was tough for me to get on board with from a financial standpoint.

As a last ditch effort, I looked on Care.com for an in-home nanny. This option made me super nervous at first because this person would be a total stranger in our home. She would be alone with my child, all day, with no supervision. You can probably tell I have some control issues haha. We had a ton of women apply for the position, but finally landed on a single mom who actually brought her own daughter over with her. It ended up being the perfect fit. Our daughters got along beautifully and this woman treated our child as her own.

But then I got pregnant again.

Suddenly, our perfect arrangement wasn’t so perfect anymore. Our nanny vowed she would be fine with the new addition. But I knew watching her toddler, my “almost” toddler, and a newborn baby at the same time would be too much for anyone. I run a tight ship as a mom and I like to keep a pretty consistent schedule for the most part, so at that time I made the decision to press pause on my own career and stay home with my girls.

From a military wife/mom standpoint, it honestly made our life a tad easier. It eliminated the problem of trying to find a decent daycare. And, it also allowed for more flexibility with my husband’s crazy work schedule. For example, if a case came in and he knew it was going to be a long night, I was able to bring the girls to his office for a quick lunch and play date with daddy. That way he got to see his favorite little ladies (and I got out of the house for a bit.)

Which brings me to my next point – how do you keep from going insane while staying home? I actually get asked this a lot by women and mothers that work. The answer is simple – Play groups. I can almost guarantee your Air Force base has an enlisted mom’s group and an officer’s mom’s group. It may not even have them separated, which is even better! The more the merrier, I always say. You can find information on where they meet and when on your base’s website. Finding women who are in the same boat as you is so vital when you stay at home. You need that support system and you need a reason to get out of the house as many times a week as you can. This is also a great way to give your kiddos the interaction they may be missing out on by not attending a public childcare.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to find other moms, military or not, for you to build a relationship with. If your base doesn’t have a play group already set up, I would encourage you to start one yourself. If you don’t feel like taking that step, try a simpler one. Just go to the park on base, let your kids run free, and start chatting up the other moms there. We all need that connection, especially as military wives, so it won’t take long before you’ve inadvertently created your very own play group.

Deciding to stay home was one the best decisions I ever made. I love getting to watch my girls grow and learn every day. I’m not saying it’s always easy and I’d be a liar if I said I never missed the “adult world.” There are certainly days where I’m super jealous my husband gets to go to work while I’m stuck at home with toddler tantrums and dirty diapers. It also can be a financial stretch some months. It was 100% less stressful to make ends meet with some extra cushion when we had two full time incomes, but the budgeting is all worth it in my eyes. I love my job as a stay at home mom and I love my job as an Air Force wife. I wouldn’t trade either for the world.