3 Ways to Cope with the Curve Balls of Military Life

There is no limit to the number of curve balls that can be thrown your way as the loved one of a service member. Having tools in your toolbox to help you work through the stressors is a vital part of thriving in the season of military life you spend as an active-duty family. 

As a new military spouse, one of the first things I noticed was a very prevalent “wine culture”. Many of the spouse events were alcohol centric. When a port call would get canceled or delayed or when homecoming was delayed indefinitely, the automatic answer was to drink away our woes. However, I believe there is another way to find solace and community. 

At our first duty station I never really got a strong sense of community. Instead, it became a time where I turned inward and had a lot of personal growth. I spent a lot of my free time on my yoga mat. I dove into a home yoga and meditation practice. I tasted the sweetness of restorative yoga practices. I was able to sleep thanks to guided meditations. I found myself through yoga practices that helped me manage stress in ways that left me feeling rejuvenated. 

There are eight limbs of yoga, and there are three that I found most beneficial as tools to cope with military life. Asana (physical postures), pranayama (breathing practices), and meditation.

1. Asana

Asana is what you think of you when you envision a yoga typical yoga class in a studio. It is the different shapes we move our body into. There are a variety of styles of asana practice. There’s vinyasa yoga, which is what most people are familiar with, hatha, yin, and restorative. Different styles move at different paces. A vinyasa practice is often a steady flow, you work up a solid sweat. This is a great physical practice when you may be feeling like you have excess energy or anxiety and need a way to release it. It is also a good boost to your energy when you’re feeling sluggish. Restorative yoga is a restful yoga practice. It involves using lots of props, and you get comfy into a pose and rest in the pose for 5-10 mins. This is a practice I fell in love with during my husband’s deployment. It can help you really wind down and settle your body down for sleep at night.

2. Pranayama

Pranayama is something you may have experienced at the beginning or end of a yoga class or if you’ve ever done a guided meditation. Breathwork impacts the nervous system and is my favorite tool to use throughout my day. I often use it when my toddler needs me to hold space for his big emotions and I’m feeling overwhelmed in a stretch of solo parenting. A few of my favorites are alternate nostril breathing, inhaling and exhaling for an equal count, and exhaling longer than you inhale.

3. Meditation

Meditation is the third tool that can help us cope. A lot of people believe meditation requires you to be able to turn your mind off, but that’s not the case. Meditation is taking time to be aware of the state of your heart, mind, and body. It is an opportunity for you to sit with what you’re experiencing. For the last four years, I have primarily meditated using guided meditation podcasts. These involve popping my headphones in and finding a quiet space where I can hit play and listen to the voice guiding me through a practice. Guided meditations often combine breathwork and visualization practices and are a great way to start a meditation practice. 

In light of my personal experience, I created The Mindful Military Spouse. It is a guided meditation podcast with guided meditations written specifically with the military community in mind. There are meditations to help you process through things that are specific to the military world, such as a meditation for emotional release during PCS season. There is also a YouTube channel with yoga flows to accompany the meditations. Most of these are short flows that you can do in twenty to thirty minutes. 

There’s a quote I often return to that says “you cannot heal what you do not feel”. In these practices there is space for you to feel, so you can find healing and return to wholeness after each draining and demanding experience this military life throws at you.