Military Marriage and Money

Money Talks and Marriage

Raise your hand if you enjoy talking to your spouse about finances. Most people tend to avoid these conversations at all costs because they lead to stress or arguments in your relationship. Whether these conversations are difficult because of differing opinions, or because you just never have the time to sit down and figure out a plan for your finances, avoiding these talks just seems to increase the financial problems in your life. If you’re like 74% of Americans, you feel stressed about finances. You’re not alone in this problem. We walked through a lot of financial stress early on in our military marriage and had to learn ways to talk about finances in a positive way. Below are some tools that helped us to reach many of our financial goals and also learn how to communicate in a way that was not only productive but kind. Now as a Financial Coach I help other military and first responder families take control of their money and work together as a team with their spouse.

The 3 C’s of Money Talks

1. Communicate

Believe it or not, many couples don’t communicate about finances. They simply try to go with the flow each month and hope that all the bills get paid. Many times the only time they communicate is when they are stressed and then those conversations don’t tend to go well. I want you to know you can be successful talking to your spouse about money. 

If you’re ready to talk to your spouse about finances let me encourage you with a few ways to start the conversation.

1. Pick a good time when the kids are in bed, the house is quiet and preferably when you’ve got some popcorn or ice cream in hand. This will make it more enjoyable. If your spouse is deployed or gone to training, this might look like a quick facetime call when you ask them when would be a good time to chat about finances. Let your spouse choose a good time to discuss this topic when they feel ready.
2. Begin the conversation with a phrase describing how you are feeling like, “Hey babe, I’m really feeling stressed about our money situation. Could I get your input on a few things?” This shows your spouse that you are not attacking them as the reason you’re stressed about your finances and that you value their input in solving the problem. This will take them off the defense and put both of you on offense, working as a team. 
3. Ask them if they’d help you create a plan for your money for each month so you can stop feeling frustrated with your finances and help you reach your goals and be able to do things you enjoy with your money. Creating a budget together doesn’t have to be stressful. I recommend using an App to create a budget. My favorite budgeting app is Every Dollar. You and your spouse can download the app to both of your phones and use the same log in so you can keep track of your spending together. It’s a great tool for creating your budget together.

2. Compromise

Everyone has things they value spending their money on and it is important in any relationship to compromise and have some give and take in your spending. I really value having a huge emergency fund and my husband values having food and ammo storage and spending money on all the tactical items he can find. Both of our values are important! It’s important to fit those things into your budget. Another thing that allows compromise in your finances is giving yourselves some fun money to spend on anything you want. This gives both spouses the freedom to spend without having to check in with one another. Decide on an amount that gives you both some freedom. This will allow you both to feel like you can enjoy some of the money you both work so hard to earn.

3. Cultivate Goals

Grace means unearned favor. When it comes to finances it can be really easy to get easily frustrated with our spouse when our plans fail. We can be quick to point fingers and say things like, “you always overspend on the groceries” or “you never stick to your fun money budget”. Rather than pointing out the things that we are failing at, take time to practice showing favor to your spouse when it comes to finances. Practice pointing out the ways they are successful and remember, you don’t love them because they are perfect at handling their money. You love your spouse because they are yours, regardless of how good or bad they are managing their finances.

5 minutes finance talks when you’re in a busy season of life

1. Take 5 minutes to look over the budget before the month begins. Note any big expenses for the month or any upcoming changes. Using an app is such an easy way to do this.
2. Mid-month, have a quick check in and encourage each other with wins you’ve had.
3. Dream together about your financial goals. What is your dream vacation that you can save for? What’s a fun purchase you want to make? What would be an exciting way to bless others when you have extra money to give?

Remember, money conversations don’t need to be stressful. Find a few minutes to get on the same page with your finances. This will help your marriage flourish and help you reach your goals. You can work as a team and communicate in a way that blesses your relationship.